Jokes, quotes, games

What do you call a dog magician?

A labracadabrador.

Q: Why does Michael Jackson like twenty five-year-olds?
A: Because there are twenty of them!

Yo mamma is so fat that when she went to the Gap, she filled it in.

Two old men, Abe and Sol, sit on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball.
Abe turns to Sol and asks, "Do you think there's baseball in Heaven?"
Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno.
But let's make a deal -- if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's baseball in Heaven, and if you die first, you do the same."
They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Abe passes on.
Soon afterward, Sol sits in the park feeding the pigeons by himself and hears a voice whisper, "Sol... Sol... ."
Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?"
"Yes it is, Sol," whispers Abe's ghost.
Sol, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in Heaven?"
"Well," says Abe, "I've got good news and bad news."
"Gimme the good news first," says Sol.
Abe says, "Well, there is baseball in Heaven."
Sol says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that?"
Abe sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."

What word is pronounced the same if you take away four of its five letters?

Queue.

Knock, knock! Who’s there? Ho Ho. Ho Ho who? Your Santa impression needs a little work!

When is a door no longer a door?

When it’s ajar.

The voice of love seemed to be calling me, and then I realized that it was the wrong number.

A defendant who had pleaded guilty saw the jury that had been empaneled, and he announced that he was changing his plea to guilty. When the judge asked why, the defendant pointed to the eight women and four men in the jury box. "When I pleaded ‘not guilty,’ I didn’t know women would be on the jury. Judge, I can’t fool even one woman, so I know I can’t fool eight of them.”

What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter!