Jokes, quotes, games - Page 80

What happens if you eat Christmas decorations? You get tinsel-it is.

Q: What did Hitler get for his birthday?
A: An easy bake oven and a GI-Jew.

What do cats call a nice dinner?

A fancy feast.

Where do vampires learn to suck blood?

Law school.

I think I have a bible fetish.

I just came to that revelation.

A man in an interrogation room says, "I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present.” "You are the lawyer,” says the policeman. "Exactly, so where’s my present?” replies the lawyer.

Q: What do the Jews hate most about the Holocaust?
A: The cost.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Alice.
Alice who?
Alice fair in love and war.

At the doctors office:
Doc: "Unfortunately sir, you have only 1 week to live…"
Man: "Doctor what on earth are you saying?”, clearly chocked, "Tell me what can I do to live at least a little linger, please…"
Doc: "Do you eat fried food?"
Man: "Yes"
Doc: "You must stop!"
Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ill do it"
Doc: "Do you eat fat food?"
Man: "Yes"
Doc: "You must stop!"
Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ok doc"
Doc: "Do you stay up late?"
Man: "Yes"
Doc: "You must stop!"
Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ok"
Doc: "Do you have sex often?"
Man: "Yes!
Doc: "You must stop!"
Man: "If it’s so that I live more… I’ll do that too"
Doc: "Do you smoke?"
Man: "Yes"
Doc: "You must stop!"
Man: "If it’s so that I live more… I will"
Doc: "Do you drink?"
Man: "Yes..."
Doc: "You must stop!"
Man: "OK doctor, but you didn’t tell me, if I do all the things you told me, how longer will I live?"
Doc: "You will still live for a week… but it will seem like a century…"

What apple isn’t an apple?

A pineapple.