Lawyer jokes
You are now in the Lawyer jokes category. Currently, you will find 173 jokes on the subject of Lawyer jokes, which we are constantly expanding for you.
When an attorney gets married, they don’t say, "I do.” They say, "I accept the terms and conditions."
Have you heard about the lawyers’ word processors?
No matter what font you select, everything comes out in fine print.
No matter what font you select, everything comes out in fine print.
Why is it illegal for lawyers to sleep with their clients?
It prevents people being charged twice for essentially the same service.
It prevents people being charged twice for essentially the same service.
A lawyer calls his client to tell him about the fee schedule. "Alright,” the lawyer says, looking through his papers. "You owe me $1,000 down and $417.58 each month for the next 36 months.” "What?! That sounds like a car payment schedule,” retorted the client. "You’re right,” the lawyer replied. "It’s mine.”
What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer?
A father in law.
A father in law.
The lawyer was having difficulty reading the small print on some legal docs, so his doctor prescribed some contract lenses.
A lawyer was holding his briefcase whilst cross-examining the witness, eventually, he rested his case.
How did the young law student end up scoring the best grades in her class?
She closely studied her flaws.
She closely studied her flaws.
How can you tell if a lawyer is lying?
Other lawyers look interested.
Other lawyers look interested.
An elderly man, 82, was told by his doctors that he didn’t have long to live. So he summons the three most important people in his life, his Doctor, his Priest, and his Lawyer, and says: "Well, today I found out I don’t have long to live. So I asked you three here because you're the most important people in my life. And I need to ask a favor. Today I am going to give each of you an envelope with £50,000 in it. When I die, I would ask that all three of you throw the money in my grave.”
Well a few days later the man passed on, and the doctor said, "I have to admit I kept £10,000 of his money, he owed me lots of private medical bills. But I threw the other £40,000 in.” The Priest said, "I have to admit also I kept £25,000 for the church. It’s all going to a good cause. And I threw the rest in.” The Lawyer just couldn’t believe what he was hearing, "I am surprised at you two. I wrote a cheque for the whole amount and threw it in.”
Well a few days later the man passed on, and the doctor said, "I have to admit I kept £10,000 of his money, he owed me lots of private medical bills. But I threw the other £40,000 in.” The Priest said, "I have to admit also I kept £25,000 for the church. It’s all going to a good cause. And I threw the rest in.” The Lawyer just couldn’t believe what he was hearing, "I am surprised at you two. I wrote a cheque for the whole amount and threw it in.”
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