Lawyer jokes - Page 2
A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender, "Do you serve lawyers here?” "Sure do,” replied the bartender. "Good,” said the man. "Give me a beer, and I’ll have a lawyer for my gator.”
Why was the law student not allowed to sleep on the bench?
He was served a bench warrant.
He was served a bench warrant.
How did the lawyer know that the knight wasn't the culprit?
He had an iron-clad alibi!
He had an iron-clad alibi!
Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer, and an old drunk were walking along when they simultaneously spotted a hundred-dollar bill laying in the street. Who gets it? The old drunk, of course — the other three are mythological creatures.
The barrister was late to work because he couldn't find his lawsuit.
Why don’t lawyers play hide-and-seek?
Nobody will look for them.
Nobody will look for them.
A lawyer, who was talking to his son about entering college, said, "What go into your head that you want to be a doctor instead of lawyer?” "Well, Dad,” answered the son, "Did you ever hear anybody get up in a crowd and shout frantically, 'Is there a lawyer in the house?'”
A group of dinner guests was blaming all of America’s troubles on lawyers when a woman said, "They aren’t all so bad. Why, last year a lawyer gave me $1,000.” "I don’t believe it,” the host responded. "It’s true, I swear it,” said the woman. "I had a complicated personal injury case and what with the lawyer’s fee, the cost of expert witnesses, the expense of the appeal and so on, my bill was $41,000. When the judgment only amounted to $40,000, my lawyer simply forgave the difference.”
Mrs. Applebee, the 6th-grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her classes: "A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest of the charity. Now, what does each get?” After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher called on Little Johnny for his answer. With complete sincerity in his voice, Little Johnny answered, "A lawyer!”
What’s the difference between a porcupine and two lawyers in a Porsche?
With a porcupine, the pricks are on the outside.
With a porcupine, the pricks are on the outside.
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